The same pattern can occur in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. When a penitent comes into the confessional, I usually try to take the lead with the sign of the cross and the greeting “The Lord be with you.” That sometimes startles people, who are used to a certain pattern. When we were making our First Penance as children, we were taught that as soon as the priest opened the slide to the screen, we started with “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.” That formula is very good for teaching children how to receive the Sacrament, but I think it can be helpful to let the priest take the lead. For one thing, letting the priest start is a reminder that this is a sacrament, a liturgy of the Church just like any of the others. That helps us bring a sense of reverence to the sacrament, but it also helps us in other ways to receive the grace of the sacrament more effectively.
One result of this approach is to help us relax. That can be particularly helpful to someone who is nervous about the sacrament, especially if he or she has not been to confession in quite a while. Sometimes it becomes even harder for such people to come back because they do not remember what to do. In that case, I tell people to relax and let me do the work. Yet of course the real message is that it is God who is “doing the work” of this or any other sacrament, who is forgiving our sins. Remember Christ’s parable of the Prodigal Son. Before the son can say, “Father, I have sinned against God and against you,” the father is already embracing his son and planning the party. The son still needs to make his confession in order to open his heart to receive forgiveness, but the father has already started the celebration. So if we worry less about what we are to say, then we can be more open to place our lives in the hands of God.
I realize that the standard formula is very comforting for some. Feel free to keep using it if you like, but first ask yourself if you have gotten into the habit of rattling it off without thinking of what you are saying. If so, slow down and try to make the sacrament a more spiritual moment. Meanwhile, there are other parts of that formula that we are used to. After “Bless me, Father,” we were taught to say how long it has been since our last confession. While this is not strictly necessary, I find it helpful to know how often someone receives the sacrament. If you do not include it, I do not worry about it. And please do not worry about accuracy, for all I am looking for is a rough idea.
The other part we were taught as children was to tell the priest how often we committed each sin. Don’t worry about numbers. The idea was to get us looking at which sins we committed over and over again. I would much rather have a penitent say that a certain sin is something he or she has been struggling with (lately, or perhaps for years), without an attempt to count every incident. That simply helps me to advise someone better.
Again, the main part of the story is to relax. God is here to forgive us, so let’s allow Him to take the lead.
Father H
